Another human study

Mariana took off her damp winter coat, and settled into her seat to gaze vacantly out the fifteen foot glass windows that lined the gray and burgundy room. This was the first of many coffee houses she would test on a hunt for a new favorite haunt. The graceful steam that rose from her mug warmed the skin of her chin and cheeks just enough so it no longer felt as though it may crack, should she make any sudden facial expression. "It's nice to have seasonable weather at least," she struggled to convince herself. After having recently been displaced from the comfort of her 57th floor condo overlooking Bryant Park, it took a great deal of effort to generate her own positive reinforcement on a day to day basis. North Dakota was not any place for an individual of her skill level and history of accomplishments, but Momma always said, "Follow your heart, girl." And that's exactly what she did. "Never fall in love with an army man," were the words of wisdom her grandmother supplied, which she thoroughly disregarded in a series of affairs with the Army, the Navy, the Marines, and even the National Guard ...the latter of which she often justifies with the old phrase, "It was Spring Break." The last in the line of men in uniform she set out to win over was the man she now called her husband-to-be, and she vowed that she would follow her man to the ends of the Earth, just like the heroines in her favorite fictions would do. Unfortunately for Mariana, her pledge got her plopped in the middle of Cafe Fargo, unaware that off in some subterrainean storage closet at his new base, her fiance Sergeant Folker fiddles around with an androgynously hot female Private's privates.

–KLK

Philly's Most Awful Employee of the Month: Jan 2012

The January winner of Philly's Most Awful Employee of the Month was selected from the pool of contestants to be featured on YourDailyDouche.com. To help promote this new website, PMAEM wanted to highlight the first douche to make it to the Douche Hall of Fame.

We present to you...
Tino the Butcher

The Your Daily Douche writer did such an excellent job honoring this South Philly meatsmith, that this writer sees no further elaboration necessary.

The Butcher, Baby: Douche no. 002. This impudent meat shop employee is guilty of taking every possible opportunity to use the phrases "my meat" and "your meat" with strikingly unsubtle emphasis, as well as making uninvited, not to mention (a higher degree of offense) UN-CLEVER sexual jokes to a female customer. And he did it all while on the clock. And at the end of the day, he was monetarily rewarded for his douchey behavior. All off the books, of course.

courtesy of YourDailyDouche.com

–KLK

Type Doodle no.763

I was practicing script lettering and thought the illustration of meaningful phrases might be a bit more exciting than simply doing the alphabet over and over.

Here's a doodle of one of my all-time favorite Latin quotes:

This saying means, Do what you are doing, essentially, live your life as it is happening. Occupying your mind with thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow will not help you do today. When I look at this phrase, I affix my own personal interpretation that it advises one should truly devote oneself to each thing one does, thus really experiencing each moment and being able to give our best effort. To live as well as you potentially can, you must first make sure you're right up front, with pencils ready to receive the lessons Life has to teach... not absent at home, or tardy somewhere, wandering the halls of your own head.

–KLK

Club Girls Kim and Cheri

Stranger Studies no.423 & 424: Cheri Yodsuwan and Kim Libowitz

These two gals, dressed for a night out on the town, seemed to have found themselves lost in Old City Philadelphia on a Saturday night. Despite their most earnest efforts, repeatedly crying out "Where are we?" was to no avail. The two could not, for all the GPS apps functioning at 4G speed in the world, find their own location. Eventually it started seeming hopeless and the two girls stood in a huddle, Capri brand cigarettes pressed against quivering lips that recited their mantra, "Oh my god, what do we do?"

Then! Out of nowhere! Heroes appeared in the form of a motorcycle street gang... clad in leather, studs, Lynyrd Skynyrd patches and unkempt beards. Cheri's face lit up in reverie as she realized the opportunity that had just presented itself. She removed her phone from her glitter clutch, quickly clicked the Instagram icon, and yelled to Kim, "Facebook piiiiic!"

Here are the black and white versions, which as always I prefer:

*This is based on a true story that ended with me shouting "You're embarrassing yourself!"

–KLK

People Watching Maxene Harper

Quick little day projects that involve spying on people, you know.

Stranger Study no.385: Maxene Harper
38 year old mother of two, Maxene Harper lives in Fishtown, in the same three story house she shared with her brother and his band after high school. Since the Badtouched Choirboys moved out, the place hasn't seen nearly as many holes in the walls, though many of the ACDC and Black Sabbath posters that hid the ones made 20 years ago still remain nailed in place. The band dismembered after Stevie died from a heroin and cocaine overdose. When BC lost their drummer, Max lost the father of (at least one of) her children, and she lost the love of her life. She turned to the arms of her "sisters", and discovered a new depth to her emotions. She never looked back. Today Maxene tries to make sure that she never loses her inner child, knowing that it's necessary to maintain when trying to successfully raise children. It is for this reason that she's acquired so many tattoos commemorating the music she danced to as a young teen; and it is for this reason that she makes nightly visits to the bar to get wasted with her local friends, the way they did as young teens.

Here's the black and white version:

–KLK

ADREA's Happy New Year

In many cultures, the New Year marks a new beginning, a time to start fresh and a chance to make this year better than the last. For members of Adrea's peer group, New Years Eve is a time to destroy your brain cells, stomach lining, and reputation.

Here's how our hero managed to avoid the festivities, and have a Happy New Year...

*click to enlarge

–KLK

Human Studies: group II

Here are some more Philly creeps I creeped on and creeped out.

I'm pretty satisfied with my progress in spotting the difference between male and female structures. I think the next round is going to focus on the ladies.

–KLK

ADREA, Modern Homemaker

I present to you today, someone very important to me. This is my nearest and dearest, most beloved little girl, Miss Adrea Collins. Frequently regarded as "rather strange," Adrea consistently finds herself in a position where she's unconvinced that she's the strange one. To her, it seems the entire world and the way it functions is absolutely bizarre. So you must forgive her if she fails to process the information she receives in the same fashion as others.

Today, Adrea the home maker receives an email on her pocket computer that provides her with a glimpse of insight into the way other modern home makers accomplish getting rid of excess clutter in their pocket books.

*click to enlarge

–KLK

Philly's Most Awful Employee of the Month, December 2011

And the December winner is... drum roll please...

buhdtddduhdtuhdtuhdtuhdtuhdtuhdt

Madeline the Pastry Mistress!!!

If you're looking for service with a smile, you won't get it from Maddy! Service with a snarl is this little tart's specialty. Have an inquiry about an item? Prepare yourself to experience what parents go through when they try to ask their teenage daughter a question. Don't think for a second she'll admit to not knowing something and refer you to someone who may. Without missing a beat, Madeline will assure you that even the owner himself couldn't answer your question. President Barack Obama may have given the thumbs up about this establishment, but don't count on getting the presidential treatment when our sour sweetheart is at your service. Did you feel like you were a stupid person before you decided to get a pastry? Well you do now! All thanks to Miss December, whose award of this honor kicks off the upcoming year of Philly's Most Awful Employee of the Month!
Keep tuning in, to see all the incredible employees 2012 will surely lead me to encounter and be insulted by.

For now, here's the original drawing:

–KLK

A Day at the Beach

Here's a little afternoon project I did for myself...illustrated a scene from a story.


Craig said to his father, with the same enthusiasm and amplification as always, "Gee Dad! Thith sunrithe is thimply exquithit! I can tell, today ith going to be a good day!"
Lee maintained his hollow smile as he thought to himself, Today I am going to kill myself.
How was he, of all people, supposed to live with the shame of fathering a son, whose ass he would have personally kicked in high school? Captain of the team with a five year winning streak, proud owner of a 12 foot personal display case of trophies, king of every school event, and now, the coach of current litter of Cougars... and this is what his seed produced. Having never made it to the NFL was nothing compared to the depression brought on by every single word out of Jake's mouth. After 16 years of choking back his irritation and forcing his face into an unconvincing smile, Lee Carson had to admit to himself that this was one game he wasn't tough enough to keep playing.
He calmly replied, "Yes it is, son. Yes it is."

excerpt from Ten Terrible Tales of Failed Family Bonding, by Harriet M. Ford

Suffice it to say, the author has been watching select episodes of Daria as a means of creative stimulation and "getting in the fiction writer state of mind."

–KLK